When, in the course of human events, an epic contest perchance develops between two intellectual giants, such competitions are best preserved for both Posterity and Inspiration.
Despite this, below lies chronicled the half-assed competition between scholars of small stature and no repute, as a warning for those who come after.
REILLY vs. PEELLE
Challenge 1: Including a quote from the oldest source in a peer-reviewed journal article
Peelle: Plato, ~360 BCE
"What again shall we say of the actual acquirement of knowledge? Is the body, if invited to share in the inquiry, a hinderer or a helper? I mean to say, have sight and hearing any truth in them? Are they not, as the poets are always telling us, inaccurate witnesses?. . . must not existence be revealed to her in thought, if at all?"
Reilly: Augustine, ~390 CE
"There in memory all things are preserved distinctly and under general heads [categories], each having entered by its own avenue: as light and colors and forms of bodies by the eyes, all sorts of sounds by the ears; all smells by avenues of the nostrils; all tastes by avenue of the mouth."
—Confessions of Saint Augustine, Chapter VIII
Reilly J, Rodriguez AD, Peelle JE, Grossman M (2011) Frontal lobe damage impairs process and content in semantic memory: Evidence from category specific effects in progressive nonfluent aphasia. Cortex 47:645-658.
Challenge 2: Most ridiculous topic for an article in a peer reviewed journal
Challenge 3: Meanest Tweet
Bonus: Worst quote misattribution
"My Milkshake brings all the boys to the yard" was originally said by Marilyn Monroe.
Summary: Reilly 2, Peelle 1
That rat bastard Reilly started off with a commanding lead, but Peelle pulled even thanks to Phaedo. Then Reilly got bitchy on Twitter. The game is afoot.
“I did, however, integrate a bunch of the stuff from our binding problem commentary that was rejected and some shit from Olaf Spoorns on provincial versus connector hubs. It’s coming out great.”
–Reilly, November 2013
“I have a project binder with a tab for every project we have going or under development, but all the pages inside are just stream of consciousness doodles and box arrow diagrams.”
–Reilly, April 2015
Appendix A: Quotes to use in reviews
Two great minds, giving each other exquisite turns of phrase with a challenge to incorporate into a journal article review. Naturally, only when scientifically appropriate.
"Fraught with great peril" (Feb 2014)
"Hairy pickle" (Feb 2014) [*bonus because Reilly turned this one down]
"Tantamount to heresy" (Feb 2014)
"Tangled web of inference"