When, in the course of human events, an epic contest perchance develops between two intellectual giants, such competitions are best preserved for both Posterity and Inspiration.

Despite this, below lies chronicled the half-assed competition between scholars of small stature and no repute, as a warning for those who come after.

REILLY vs. PEELLE

Challenge 1: Including a quote from the oldest source in a peer-reviewed journal article

Peelle: Plato, ~360 BCE

"What again shall we say of the actual acquirement of knowledge? Is the body, if invited to share in the inquiry, a hinderer or a helper? I mean to say, have sight and hearing any truth in them? Are they not, as the poets are always telling us, inaccurate witnesses?. . . must not existence be revealed to her in thought, if at all?"

—Phaedo

Peelle JE, Chandrasekaran K, Powers J, Smith EE, Grossman M (2013) Age-related vulnerability in the neural systems supporting semantic processing. Frontiers in Aging Neuroscience 5:46.

Reilly: Augustine, ~390 CE

"There in memory all things are preserved distinctly and under general heads [categories], each having entered by its own avenue: as light and colors and forms of bodies by the eyes, all sorts of sounds by the ears; all smells by avenues of the nostrils; all tastes by avenue of the mouth."

—Confessions of Saint Augustine, Chapter VIII

Reilly J, Rodriguez AD, Peelle JE, Grossman M (2011) Frontal lobe damage impairs process and content in semantic memory: Evidence from category specific effects in progressive nonfluent aphasia. Cortex 47:645-658.

Winner: Peelle

Challenge 2: Most ridiculous topic for an article in a peer reviewed journal

Peelle: ?

Reilly:

Reilly J, Fisher JL (2012) Sherlock Holmes and the Strange Case of the Missing Attribution: A Historical Note on "The Grandfather Passage". Journal of Speech, Language, and Hearing Research 55:84-88.

Winner: Reilly

Challenge 3: Meanest Tweet

Peelle: ?

Winner: Reilly

Challenge 4: Meanest message

Winner: Reilly

Bonus: Worst quote misattribution

Peelle: ?

Reilly:

"My Milkshake brings all the boys to the yard" was originally said by Marilyn Monroe.

Summary: Reilly 4, Peelle 1

Clearly Peelle needs to up his game, he’s getting creamed.

“I did, however, integrate a bunch of the stuff from our binding problem commentary that was rejected and some shit from Olaf Spoorns on provincial versus connector hubs. It’s coming out great.”

–Reilly, November 2013

“I have a project binder with a tab for every project we have going or under development, but all the pages inside are just stream of consciousness doodles and box arrow diagrams.”

–Reilly, April 2015

Appendix A: Quotes to use in reviews

Two great minds, giving each other exquisite turns of phrase with a challenge to incorporate into a journal article review. Naturally, only when scientifically appropriate.